Chips & Whiskey Do Not a Dinner Make

But they'll do in a pinch...

While we're on the topic, if you've ever considered a career in diplomacy and don't feel like taking the Foreign Service exam, read this.

I introduced former Secretary of Labor (and current public policy professor) Robert Reich to a moderate sized crowd of people tonight. Ignoring that I almost called the Dean of Public Health by his first name as I took the stage and only occasionally glanced at the audience as I read my pre-formed dribble, I think I did ok. I hate public speaking.

If you're not familiar with Reich's work, this video just about sums it up...

Some Brief Super Bowl Thoughts

• Dear God, please let the Saints win. Please, please, please. My hate for the Colts is only superseded by my love for the Patriots (and even then, only marginally). Thanks to Rex Ryan, I don't even hate the Jets that much.
  
• Peyton Manning is just the kind hateful robot that would deny his own storm-ravaged hometown their first Super Bowl victory. And after he was done giving lip-service to what a good game it was at the press conference, he'd go home and choke a kitten. He's sick.
  
• Its been wonderful to watch the rise in criticism of, and hate for, Colts fans, or as KSK has dubbed them, the 'fat humps'. As has been stated many times by other writers, they are a fanbase of fast-food munching, self-entitled whiners, and once Manning retires, they will likely lose all interest in their mediocre franchise. As a Boston sports fan, I know what its like to be loathed by the rest of the country, and I've come to relish it. What makes criticism of Colts fans so much better for me is that they simply can't understand why on earth anyone would disparage their mundane midwestern existence.
• It will be even more interesting to see how long it takes the country to begin hating the Saints once they win the Superbowl. With a championship under their belt and Katrina fading quickly from popular memory, they'll be left with nothing but their drunken, cajun, Bourbon Street identity. Without the underdog sob-story they're nothing but Boston fans without the Irish-Catholic guilt.
• Saints Defense: Drill Peyton Manning into the ground. Blitz. Blitz all day. Yes he will burn you for a couple touchdowns, but he'd do it anyways even you're running nickel and dime packages all night. Knock him down. I'm envisioning something like this...

• And lastly, if Obama is adept enough to weigh in on the need for a college football playoff system, surely he understands the importance of having Monday after the Superbowl be an observed holiday? Pull out that agenda item leading up to elections and I gauarantee you'll get some swing votes in red states.

Addendum 2/8/10:

• Thank you Super Bowl for being entertaining, and thank you Barack Obama for issuing an executive order that it be a close game. [Skip to the very end of the interview]
  
• More importantly, thank you Tracy Porter for making Peyton Manning's face do this...

• You can all now feel free to hate on the Saints... 'who dat' is only entertaining for so long.
  

Quarter Life Crisis, Blogging Too Much, and Finding a Hobby (Perhaps Blogging?)

When I was in high school my associates and I kept a notebook that detailed much of our plans directed at world-domination. We kept this notebook hidden in the attic of a church. I wonder where it is now, and if anyone is profiting off our brilliant ideas. It was green. If you have a green notebook with plans of this nature in it, please mail to the following address:

[Address redacted... what was I thinking?]

Thanks for the fruit basket, whoever you are.

My 25th birthday draws closer, and I'm excited about finally having lower car insurance rates, especially now that for the first time in my life I don't own a vehicle. Sure I don't need one to get around the Bay Area, but I have realized that its awfully difficult to escape beyond the confines of the BART system without your own motorized vehicle. Thus Steve's recommendation that I join him in becoming an owner and steward of old-school Land Rovers hasn't fallen on entirely deaf ears. In fact, his suggestion is playing very well into my current quarter-life crisis that has me simultaneously wanting a dog, a Land Rover, and total freedom from future career concerns. I figure all three are likely mutually-reinforcing, as I can certainly see myself not worrying about having a job once I graduate as long as I have a truck to sleep in and a dog that can keep me company (and warm).

Also, I completed and uploaded my fellowship application for funding my summer internship working with the UCSF malaria lab on a new malaria eradication project in Zanzibar. Should the fine folks at the Center for Global Public Health see it fit that I receive several thousand dollars to chase mosquitoes on the beach for three months, I will be just a bit surprised. It's actually quite an incredible project that is being funded by the Gates foundation, the first of its kind. I find that I continually fall ass-backward into advantageous situations that neither my work-ethic (or total lack thereof) nor my karmic balance would seem to warrant.

Lastly, it has been suggested that I need a new hobby (fixing old Land Rovers being a recent suggestion). At present time I tend to half-ass what you might call my hobbies, and so I now wonder, if I half-ass them, are they hobbies? Something for all of you with time on your hands (or feet) to ponder. I would venture that my current hobbies would be (1) coaching ultimate, (1.5) drinking, (2) trying to find time to cook, and occasionally doing so, (3) scraping by in school, and (4) keeping Eduardo company by writing entirely too often in this blog.

I've brainstormed some new hobbies, listed below in no particular order, I will be choosing 1-2 new hobbies soon based on their feasibility. Roughly one month after this selection, I expect that I will have to revisit this list and choose again... and again.

• Purchasing, fixing, and maintaining an old Land Rover [with the help of Land Rover Steve]
• Paying attention and working diligently in all of my classes
• Riding my bike for purposes other than commuting to school, the bar, and people's houses
• Hot-Air Balloon pilot lessons
  
• Actually investing time (not simply thought) in grocery-shopping and cooking
• Training for club ultimate tryouts in April, which will be meaningless if I go abroad for the summer... except that getting into good shape probably isn't meaningless in and of itself
• Engaging in a hyper-active letter writing campaign to Richard Branson in order to find work as a steward aboard a Virgin Galactic space ship
• I saw an ad for renting a sailboat to live on at the Berkeley marina. Mayhaps I could be a pirate? I'll have to figure out how to sail.
  

It is extremely likely that I will continue my pattern of dabbling in everything and obtaining expertise in nothing. At least I'll be able to carry on good conversation at cocktail parties.

A Reminder: Rhode Island is the Best

Here is just a small sampling of reasons why Rhode Island is easily the best state in the country. Most of these points are ingrained in my mind as lore, and thus I am not bothering to fact check and assess the accuracy of my fervrent beliefs, lest I be disappointed. If you feel obliged to ensure that some of these points are factually accurate I would be happy to receive your comments, so long as they don't conflict with my deeply-rooted beliefs that I will now set forth...

• Rhode Island was the first state to rebel against England when a small group of Rhode Islanders belonging to the Sons of Liberty attacked, boarded, looted, and torched the British tax ship Gaspee in Narragansett Bay on June 9th, 1772.
  
• Ironically, Rhode Island was the last of the original 13 states to sign the Constitution, doing so only after the other 12 states threatened to tax Rhode Island as a foreign nation.
  
• The Industrial Revolution in America began with the construction of Slater Mill in Pawtucket, based on designs that Samuel Slater smuggled out of England.
  
• Rhode Islanders like drinking. The White Horse Tavern in Newport is the oldest tavern in the United States.
• Rhode Island never ratified the 18th Amendment establishing prohibition. I told you we like to drink.
  
• Roger Williams is credited with establishing the first practical and functioning democracy when he founded Rhode Island after being kicked out of Massachusetts for his seditious ideas about free speech and freedom of religion. The founding fathers credited much of the first amendment to his ideas.
• Rhode Island has a long history of waspy pursuits, including the first Polo game played in the U.S. and housing the Tennis Hall of Fame. It also has the first carousel ever built in the U.S.
• It is the smallest state with the biggest name... officially 'Rhode Island and Providence Plantations'. Interestingly, there are no plantations remotely close to RI.
  
• Rhode Island is home to the largest bug in the world. Seriously.

• The X-Games began in Rhode Island in 1995.
• The Talking Heads started in Rhode Island.
  
• Rhode Island is home to toy-maker Hasbro, creators of such childhood wonders as Lincoln Logs, Cabbage Patch Kids, Mr. Potato Head, Easy Bake Oven, GI Joe, Transformers, Nerf, and Lite-Brite.
• We have the highest rate of illicit drug use in the country, and the highest rate of individuals who drink. Accordingly, Rhode Island made medicinal marijuana legal. We're really fun to hang out with.
• We get all four seasons, and we bitch and moan about each one of them.
  

Dog Fever: Phase III Clinical Trials

Despite the fact that there seem to be no epidemiological studies regarding the prevalence of Canis fibris, more commonly known as 'dog fever', nor any biological studies assessing the level of antibody response to any potential vaccines, I feel that it is my duty to move ahead with my own personal phase III trials of a live attenuated vaccine for this crippling illness.

Perhaps I should clarify... there's been an awful lot of talk about dogs around these parts. Steve has a dog (not to mention an ambulance tank), Fraser's household is getting a dog... dogs, dogs, dogs. Its an epidemic! I've got the fever and I feel as though the only cure is a live attenuated theraputic vaccine (read: puppy)... or more cowbell. When people are offering to check on the availability of free German Shepard puppies you simply can't say no.

Rushing into a phase III trial such as this is never the recommended course of action, but desperate times call for desperate measures. All you concerned public health professionals who don't actually read this might be thinking, 'but what about the potenial for adverse effects?' Well your concern is duly noted and it is not without great trepidation that I consider the options laid out before me:

1. Obtain said puppy, inject multiple doses of subsequent happiness, hope for a clinically significt immune response.
   
2. Delay aquistion of aforementioned vaccine until September, at which time studies asessing the potential for adverse affects and methods to minimize them will have been completed.
3. Decline to receive vaccine, hope that illness self-resolves in a reasonable amount of time.

The potential adverse effects are not to be taken lightly, and include the following: (1) consternation among roommates [mild to moderate risk], (2) anger and/or potential punititve action from landlord [mild risk], (3) decline in earning as a result of maintence costs [high risk], and (4) severe separation anxiety should malaria summer research project proceed as planned [moderate risk].

As editor-in-chief of this prestigious medical journal I would ask that my esteemed colleagues weigh in on the subject... this means you imaginary readership. The decision to proceed, delay, or cancel this trial will have to be made with all due haste.

~Dr. Wade Greenwood, Professor of Zoontic Illness

LOST, Shootouts at the OK Corral, and... well thats it

Dear BBC News,

I have often regarded you as a superior news source due to the fact that you're, well... British. Its not that I think the British are better or smarter than we Americans... quite the contrary, with the exception of maybe John Oliver, Ricky Gervais, and David Bowie (I'm only counting the living, I'm also a fan of Churchill, Lennon, Darwin, Tolkien and Alexander Flemming).

No, I'd hate to live on your rainy island full of rude people, but its precisely your 'get to the point', 'stiff upper lip' attitude that makes for reporters who the trim the bullshit out of news. You're also about 9 hours ahead of lazy California, so for reporting on the rest of the world, you're on top of it while I'm still asleep. But you ruined it for me today, and here's why...

Shoot Second in Gunfight, Study Finds... well of course that's listed on your homepage under 'Other Top Stories', who wouldn't want to read that? You'd never see that in the New York Times. Naturally I'm curious why I should wait to be shot at before returning fire. CLICK!

Oh, the actual title of the article is "People Are Quicker When Reacting Than When Initiating"... talk about a sexy title that really grabs you. Nevertheless, I read on... "Inspired by Hollywood, researchers have delved into the science of gunfights."

Timeout. Who are these researchers and how did they get IRB approval? I must know more... perhaps I can join their study for my summer internship (suck it malaria!)

"Pairs of participants were put in a button-pressing competition with each other. Each was secretly given instructions of how long to wait before pushing a row of buttons." This is getting lame...

And the clincher, "Dr Welchman explained that it took around 200 milliseconds to respond to what an opponent was doing, so, in a gunfight, the 21 millisecond reactionary advantage would be unlikely to save you."

So to recap, we went from "wait to get shot at before you fire back", to "people react fast when other people are pushing buttons", to "well, you should probably shoot that bastard first".

Thanks BBC. I'm not sure if you're aware of the tenets of AP Journalist style writing, but you're supposed to put the most important information at the beginning of the article and fill in the lesser details as you go along. You're going to have blood on your hands if you keep this up.

Speaking of shootouts...

LOST!

Yep, the beginning of the end is here. Season Six. I've been addicted since the first episode, so despite all the curiosity, frustration and rage it has cost me over the better half of a decade, I'm seeing it through 'til the end. People are obsessed with this show and thus we have innumerable amounts of fan websites, blogs, blah, blah, blah. People love talking about their theories, and I can't really comment on them because I haven't really read any of them.

I take an 'I'll wait in anxiety-induced agony' approach to LOST (it seems inappropriate to not capitalize all the letters... greating marketing folks they've got). I haven't really bothered to read lots of theories about what the hell is going on with that show because (a) JJ Abrams and his cronies haven't actually told that guy on the message board anything, (b) JJ Abrams did a really solid job of recreating Star Trek, and (c) I was raised Irish-Catholic, so by nature I don't question things I don't understand, I just wait until next week when more of God's truth is revealed.

The only theory I've developed is very simple, mostly because I don't have the time or willpower to go back through the last five seasons to see what events in the show do or do not support it (also I'm pretty sure theres lots of other people with this same theory).

1. The island is Eden
2. Jacob & 'the other guy in black' (aka New John Locke, aka Smoke Monster... Smoky John) are the angels that God placed at the east entrance of Eden after he kicked Adam & Eve out (Genesis 3:24)
3. Smoky John has fallen from grace because he's not down with how destructive and stupid we humans are (anyone seen Dogma?)
4. Smoke Monster killed Mr. Echo, and he was a badass religious guy. Smoke Monster must have felt threatened.
   
5. Jacob has risen again as Sayid to wage war on Smoky John. Season six should be action packed.
   

The fact that the season premiere of LOST was perhaps the most cathartic two hours of my life in the past couple months means I'm a pretty sad state of affiars. Maybe it was just the Maker's Mark...

Shut It Down!

Goodbye Twitter... you were a mildly intriguing experiment for a couple weeks, and then a bland one that sat around for a couple months. I never took the time to understand what the '#' and 'RT' and '@' meant in all that twitter jargon, perhaps that knowledge is the key to an enjoyable night at home with that little blue bird. Alas, I apparently just don't have the insight that celebrities, mildly illiterate pro athletes, and desperate corporations have.

Sorry crying blue bird, it IS goodbye. You just weren't enough for me... 140 characters? I need a social media tool that can handle at least 190, I have needs dammit! And this 'Okay, fine delete my account button'? Why the attitude? Can't this be civil?

At least I still have Eduardo the Pig Blog.

Why did I delete my Twitter account? Well I initially created it so that I could just post lots of links from the hours of wasted time I spend reading the news online. I quickly became annoyed with having to log into yet another website for which I could never remember the password just to post links to news that no one else cares about. Also, Twitter is like blogging for lazy, illiterate people. And I'm pretty sure bloggers are already pretty lazy.